Safety Vs. Independence. Can We Give Our Kids Both?

Facebook is so neat sometimes! The other night I was having a hard time falling asleep so I grabbed my laptop and started scrolling.

That was a mistake.

Not only was I looking at a huge blue light source, but I was on Facebook. Not exactly the best recipe for inducing slumber.

Soon I happened on a post from a concerned community member. She explained that she had witnessed some kids in a potentially hazardous situation, made it clear that no one had done anything wrong, and suggested a possible solution.

Helpful right?

Well, one respondent was quick to chastise her for her helpful suggestion, and berate her for not having done more. After reading all of his comments, and responding to a few (not proud, it was dumb of me to try and make him see his error- and even dumber to think he would read my sarcasm as such.  When will they come out with a good sarcasm font?), I decided that while his comments were RUDE, the point I think he was trying to make was basically valid.

He was trying, and mostly failing because of his trollish tone, to point out that we have to give our kids more than just the gear to stay safe, they also need common sense.

Being a bit of a Free Range mom myself I’ve adopted a three prong approach to keeping my kids as safe as possible while allowing them to stretch their legs out of my immediate reach.

I give you The Three P’s for fostering safety and independence.

Prepare:

My school age kiddos are allowed to cruise the neighborhood, and even occasionally use public transit to get to activities several miles from home. But I didn’t just push them out the front door and say “Good luck, see you whenever”. I prepared them with some behavior guidelines, what to avoid, and who and how to ask for help if they need it.  Gear is an equally important part of the safety equation. Whether it’s helmets, bear deterrent spray, or a cell phone to call home, I try to make sure they have the things they need for the given situation. 

Practice:

Even though my kids are pretty smart, I wasn’t just going to give them a lecture and a phone and send them on their way. Before I set them loose in our neighborhood I had taken countless walks with them. Before I let them take the bus to the library on their own, I took them for several bus rides with me. Then I chose a day when I would be going to the library anyway, watched them get on the bus, and then met them at their stop. I gave them the opportunity to practice the skills they needed to safely navigate their environment with supervision. We started small, slowly growing their freedom zone as they proved themselves capable.

Pray:

The last of the Three P’s is Pray. Pray your kiddos remember to use the gear and skills you’ve given them even when they get out of sight. They might not. They’re human, after all. The best we can do for them is give them the proper safety net and pray they use it.

We parents want to be one hundred percent assured that our kids are safe all of the time. But we also want them to grow into independent humans, who can negotiate their world with ease.

I’m afraid there is no having it both ways.

But the good news is if we are willing to risk a little in the way of safety, and test a little in the way of independence, applying the Three P’s we can find a healthy balance.